if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
