I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
