nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
