My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
