took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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