So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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