Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
