"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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