She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
