I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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