I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
birth control should be required to get into college
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
