I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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