you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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