is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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