Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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