the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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