HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
