just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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