bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
