I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
