Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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