He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
