Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So many bounce houses so little time
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
