i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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