Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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