I smell stomach acid.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
