I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
