I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
