She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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