how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
