Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
