i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
