I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
