i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
