One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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