my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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