Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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