in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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