Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
