im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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