reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
