i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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