No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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