Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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