Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
