I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
