If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
