is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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