I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
