Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
