Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
