you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
